I Had An Affair With A Fop! Jerry episode
by PhantomGashes
Summary: What do you get when Christine brings Erik and Roual onto the Jerry Springer Show. Well read and find out! R&R!
1. Jerry Springer

**_I don't own Phantom of the Opera or Jerry Springer. I do like both, even though i like Maury better than Jerry, but i need more action. This is my second fanfic here and i'm still writing in my first 'Cirque du freak: Elementals'. If you like this check out my other fanfic. _**

**The show opens with Christine sitting in a chair on the stage of the Jerry Springer show. The crowd is cheering it's usual 'Jerry,Jerry,Jerry!' as the screen zooms in a depressed looking Christine and then to Jerry who is pacing the audeince. The title of the show. 'I had an affair with a fop.' Jerry turns to the carmera and speaks as he moved closer to the stage. "Today on the show we have Christine." He announces then turns to Christine as the Camera zooms over to her. "Christine, Your here to reveil to your ex lover that you do not want him bugging you anymore, is that correct?" **

**Christine nodded sniffling slightly as she wiped a few tears from her eyes. "Jerry, it's horrible." She announces looking at him as Jerry nods. "He terrorizes me at my work, where he happens to live, and he was so sweet and nice before Roual came." She finishes and the crowd looks at her still silent, no action happening in the show yet.**

**Jerry nods as he paces in the first row slightly looking at her as the camera follows him. "Roual is the man that you left you ex-boyfriend for?" He asks and Christine nods as the camera zooms back over to her.**

**"Yes, but Erik and I weren't really a couple, he would just tutor me." She explains as Jerry listens and the crowd mutters slightly to each other and the camera glazes over them as they do.**

**Jerry nods, as always, and begins to speak agian. "Okay well, lets bring out Roual." Everyone cheers as Roual comes out.**

**He sits in the chair placed next to Christine and holds her hand. He is wearing his black pants and white ruffled shirt as he moves some of his long brown hair from his face. Jerry looks at Roual with a weird look and some of the crowd starts talking about how he looks like a gay guy. "Roual, welcome to the show." He says getting closer to the stage seeing no threat from Roual and his pretty-boyness. "Now tell me, did you know about Erik when you got involved with Christine?"**

**Roual nods and looks to Jerry holding Christine's hand still. "I knew, she told me the first time i saw her when i came to the opera house and recognized her," Roual agreed but continued. "But would you believe it if the girl your seeing in i dont know how many years, since you were seven years old, is saying 'Roual im being tutored by a phantom and he says i cant go out to eat with you.'?" He asks and everyone in the audience laughed.**

**Jerry looked at the two and then nodded agian. "Well no, but lets bring out the Phantom himself, Erik." Jerry says and Erik walks out from backstage in his white mask and black cape.**

**Girls start whistling as he walks onto stage and guys start booing in jealously. Erik sits down in a chair glaring at Roual, who is glaring back and looks at them holding hands. "Hey scar face." Roual says which makes Erik jump out of his seat and go barelling twards roual unsleathing his sword. **

**Steve runs out grabbing Erik and takes his sword away having him sit back down as Roual huddles behind Christine whimpering. The crowd starts to scream 'Erik! Erik! Erik!'. Erik calms down sitting back in his seat fixing his cape as Steve takes his sword backstage. "Now Erik, your the famous Phantom of the Opera at Opera Populaire?" Jerry asks and Erik nods. "Okay, and you and Christine were inmately involved?" Erik shook his head at this question and began to talk.**

**"No we were, but she wanted me. I tutors her in the arts of singing and made her what she is today." He cletched his hands in triuph and talked dramtically as he got out of his seat throwing off his cape into the audeince where tons of girls latched onto fighting over it so Jerry got on stage. "But that FOP just had to ruin EVERYTHING!!!" Erik said and raced twards Roual**

** Roual ran to him to and they started punching and kicking eachother. "I AM NOT A FOP!!" Roual demanded and ripped Erik's mask off his face.**

**Erik yelled and covers his face with his hands as Roual laughed evily and ran around the stage with his mask. Christine was getting mad aso she got up and tripped Roual. "ROUAL GIVE HIM THE MASK BACK!!" She yelled grabbing the mask from his hands and giving it back to Erik.**

**Erik turned away from the camera and put the mask back on so no one would see his face then turned abclk fixing his shirt and dusting off his pants. "Damn incolent brat that boy is." He cursed making Roual run twards him agian but he was held back by steve. **

**Jerry took this time as they both were seated and everyone was calm agian to talk. "Ok now Erik, your left half of your face was scarred since you were born right?" Jerry asked and Erik nodded then Jerry continued. "Do you think that the disfiguration of your face had anything to do with Christine not loving you?"**

**Erik shook his head and sighed. "No, It was because of Roual, he filled her head with nonsense and ruined her artistic qualities!" He yelled angrily. "He's just a stupid little pretty boy that cares more about his hair than Christine!" **

**The camera zooms over the roual who has a mirror out and is fixing his hair since it was messed up while fighting. He looks around to see everyone screaming Pretty boy repeatedly. "Huh? What did i miss!?" He looks around frantically and throws the mirror at Erik who gets hit in the head falling out of his chair.**

**"OW! Damn annoying bastard!!" Erik shouted getting up and runs over to Roual with hsi chair raised over his head.**

**Christine screamed and ran to the side of the stage as steve grabbed Erik and held him back while the others got the chair from him. Roual was trembling in fear under the chair as They sat Erik down back in his chair. He folded his arms and mumbled about horrible things he wanted to do to Roual. Christine went back and sat on her seat as Roual slowly crawled out and sat in his chair. "Well, Christine wasn't just being you both here to get you guys to fight over her." Jerry said making Christine, Roual, and Erik blink.**

**"Huh?" Christine asked looking confused and looked around**

**Jerry nodded. "Thats right, Christine, is pregnant!" Jerry said pointing to christine who blinked and her eyes widened. **

**"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!?" She shounted looking at her stomach and poking it a few times.**

**Jerry paced in the frotn row as the camera went from him to everyone on the stage. "And it could be either of your child!" Jerry said and Erik's eyes widened while Roual fainted doing a girly sigh.**

**Erik looked at Christine and the to Roual, who was passed out on the ground. "Huh!? How did this happen!? I never did anythign with Christine." Erik said panicing and paced the stage.**

**Jerry agreed sympathetically. "It's all in the art of the song Erik." He informed them and then Roual stood up crawling into his chair. "And unknown to you three we all got your dna to determine who's baby it is!!"**

**Erik and roual blinekd and looekd at eachother then to Christine. Maury came out of no where with an envlope. "How did he get here!?" Jerry asked confused.**

**"He does a better job at this than you do Jerry sorry." Steve said regerring to the paternity test.**

**Maury stepped forward and looked at all of them as he opened the envlope. "Roual....You are NOT the father!" Maury said then Roual fainted and Christine blinked. **

**Maury looked at Erik who now, despite his fear of having a child, was looking somewhat hopeful. "Erik....You are NOT the father." He said and walked off stage to sit in the audeince who was now gasping and booing Christine.**

**They all began to cheer 'Slut! Slut! Slut!' as Christine looked around. The camera zoomed in on Jerry and the crowd went silent. "Today on my final thought, I believe we have learned a lesson here. Opera chorus girls trained by Phantoms can magically have babies. SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!" He finshed and Erik, Roual, and Christine were still trying to find out who the baby was.**

**---------------------------------**

_**Well thats it. It's pretty stupid but oh well. My friend suggested it and i decided to try my best. I'll probably revise it some and repost it later. If you like it then R&R!! Thanks! Bye!**_


	2. Maury Show His mom

**_My newest chapter to this tale is well./ A suggested by one of the reviewers. I shall make another episode but this time instead of Jerry, Erik's going to Maury for help with his mom. But my friend is also helping! YAY!!!_**

The title of the show with a picture of Erik behind it pops on the screen. 'My mom abandoned me with psycho Gypsies.' It shows Maury sitting in a chair as the camera zooms in slightly and Maury begins to talk. "Welcome, today were going to meet a man that was sadly, can you believe this, abandoned as a child with a group of crazy psycho gypsies." Maury says as the crowd gasps and boos towards the mother who isn't currently present. "This brave man is here to share his story with us, please welcome ERIK!!" The crowd shouts and cheers as Erik walks out dramatically his cape swishing around him and his white mask gleaming in the light, but as he places his foot onto the first step his cape slides under just as it touches and he goes rolling down the steps and the crowd goes silent.

Maury looks at him and blinks then turns to the camera and begins talking once again. "We'll return after the commercials." He says and rushes to help up Erik as the screen goes black.

Are you bald?  
((C'mon, you know you are…))  
Do people walk up to you and start waxing you head?  
((Admit it; it's happened to all of us…))

Do people sometimes mistake you for a bowling ball?  
((YES!! GOD I'M SO ASHAMED!!))

Then we have the solution for you!  
SHINE BE GONE! The anti-shine wax that dulls your head!

Warning: May cause rash and bleeding and many more sever blistering side affects eventually leading to death. Do not drink, contains rat poison….

The screen returns to Maury and Erik.

"Welcome back to our show. Here is Erik." Maury said, the camera moving to the Phantom. "Erik, please tell us about your childhood."

Clearing his throat and glancing around, Erik sighs.

"I really don't remember much of my childhood," Erik began looking up as the crowd awed at his overly large, depressed gold-yellow eyes. "I just know when I was younger; my mother never really liked me-" he was interrupted

"You mother never loved you because you were ugly?!" Maurey shouted his eyes wide. The crowd sighed as girls began hugging other random people as a source of comfort. Erik's face faltered.

"Well, um, maybe…I mean…Did you have to be so honest about it?!" He asked, now breaking into sobs. Maury patted Erik's back, as he blurted out some more.

"Don't worry. We knew you were going to have an emotional breakdown so we brought along some help. Everyone – meet Christine Daae!" Christine walked around the corner, looking around like a frightened child as she made her way to Erik, hugging him tightly.

"Awww, Erik. You should have told me your mother never loved you!" Christine said.

"I DID!!" Erik shouted, still crying.

"When?!" Christine asked, shocked.

"When we under the Opera House remember?!" He said, looking at her. Christine just stared.

"Well, um….sorry." She said as they both took their seats. Maury was smiling wickedly.

"So Christine, I've heard about Raoul, your husband. Where is he now?" He asked, probably cocaine high. Christine smiled.

"He's a very busy man…." She said.

A commercial pops on the screen behind Maury and the screen goes black showing the commercial now.

Raoul is now seen in the de Changy home holding up a card that reads 'To finish this sentence turn this card over….', and is now repeated turning the card over and over again quickly having a panicked look on his face.

Are you stupid?

"huh!?" Raoul looked around confused and scared. "Where's that voice coming from!?"

Did your wife tell you to go sniff the scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool?

"That hurts you know!" He shouts and glances around. "Now, really, who are you!?"

Have you ever tried to sniff coke?

"Well, yeah, but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose and Christine had to put my nose over a candle for 3 hours." Raoul admits.

Then you're an idiot. So go buy everything that the New York Times says will help improve your life and call those telephone Psychics.

Raoul blinked and nodded running from the room then running right back in grabbing the card and the screen goes blank and back to Maury.

Maury, Erik, and Christine sit there stunned looking with wide eyes and Christine started cursing up a storm, which shocked Erik. "I TOLD HIM NOT TO DO THAT COMMERCIAL!!" She yelled stomping off stage and disappearing.

Maury blinked and looked at Erik. "Okay, Erik, We have a surprise for you!" Maury said smiling happily and somewhat evilly. "Your mother is here and she would like to explain to you what REALLY happened." Maury finished as Erik's face faltered and an extremely fat woman with curlers in her hair and a shirt that says 'DAMN! I'm nasty!' on it.

Erik's eyes widened as he saw his mom on the verge of throwing up or fainting. "Hello dear." She said sitting down on the stool and she fell backwards toppling over and breaking the stool. "I'll just sit down here I guess…."

Erik couldn't form any words. All he could think was 'And she thought I was ugly!?'

His mother began to talk as Maury and Erik listened intently. "Well Erik, it all begins long ago. We were a poor family and needed food so we sold you to the Gypsies. They gave us money but we lost it and by the time we got back to the Gypsies they were gone so we ate all of your brothers and sisters. Then we had 20 more, but your dad died last night for some odd reason." She said and then 20 little kids ran out onto stage as Erik climbed onto his stool.

"What the hell are those!?" He shouted as the 2 foots tall midget children ran over raising their hands up clawing and hissing trying to get to Erik.

"Sorry we haven't been able to train them yet." She said pouring honey on herself and they all latched on, sacrificing herself for the one normal child.

The children dissipated, leaving a skeleton of their mom and started terrorizing the Maury Show set. Erik and Maury ran away hiding as the credits came on showing the crowd running around screaming as the children ran around trying to eat people.


End file.
